please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
