I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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