Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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