Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
