What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
