Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
