Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
