I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize