He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
