Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
