When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
