I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
