dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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