Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
