You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
