thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
