He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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