I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
