i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
