you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
