who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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