Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
