I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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