thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
