I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
