why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
