tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
