dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
