he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
