Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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