Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize