You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
