good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
