I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
