Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
