No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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