so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
