I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
