when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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