When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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