I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize