A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
