I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
