Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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