I can tuck mytits in my pants
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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