The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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