Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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