i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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