Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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