That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
