i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
