I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You pole danced in your parka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
MIDGETS
????
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
