Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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