oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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