does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize