how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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