I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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