he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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