My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She told me I should be a condom model.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize