I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
