this boner is exhausting
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
