i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
