im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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